life as i see it

Italia Sneak Peak

2010-11-19T09:49:00.004-06:00

Italy was amazing. Simply amazing. I'm still processing, pondering, laundrying, cleaning and sleeping, but here are the highlights:

Lots of gelato eating....

Duomo seeing......
Pasta and wine eating.......
Ancient ruin seeing.....
Historical places viewing.....
Surreal moments......
Wine drinking......
And wishing to go back......

The Day before....

2010-11-01T13:15:00.003-05:00

.....you can recognize a campaign staffer by the drinks on their desk. This should signify how the next 36 hours is going to go for me. For those worried about my caffeine intake, I have now added a water bottle to the mix.

Have you seen a campaign staffer?

2010-10-29T13:12:00.003-05:00

#3. Their pockets or purses jingle with the delightful sound of an advil/tylenol/excedrin bottle, seeing as the headache that has persisted the last week has still not gone away.

#4. To repeat an earlier point, they always have two phones in their hands. This morning at the doctors office I was chided and made fun of by my doc for sitting on the examination table with both phones in hand.

#5. You see them leaving restaurants with mass quantities of food in their hands. Actually in this case you are probably witnessing some poor, unpaid intern running around doing the bidding of his bosses.

7....er...6 days

2010-10-27T14:26:00.002-05:00

In honor of the election taking place in seven days and completely consuming the lives of campaign staffers all across America, including mine, I will be posting every day various ways you can identify an overworked, underpaid campaign staffer. This is important for you to recognize as they are likely running on little sleep, caffeine, last weeks pizza from the fridge and they could snap at any moment.

{Disclaimer: at this point, I realize that it’s 6 days away from the election. I meant to post this yesterday but got distracted by, well, everything. Take your pick of things that distract you, I was probably distracted by it. Off the top of my head, yesterday I dealt with a screaming cursing man who didn't like my candidate, a high school kid who hung up on said man, an internet outage, a sweet older lady who couldn't figure out how to make a call, and a deluge of Vietnamese callers who could not understand what I was asking and vice versa. Today I've dealt with the killer mosquitos in my apartment, my car being five months past the registration date (thank you for pointing that out officer), a tire that needs to be changed on my car, a tire that needs to be changed on our other car and I still have to find time to do laundry and throw things in a suitcase for Italy. By the way}

#1. You know you’ve seen a campaign staffer when you spot someone running down the aisles of the grocery store, grabbing boxed foods that can be eaten on the go and are juggling two cell phones – on one they are talking and the other they are emailing. Most likely in this scenario they are on a conference call with the candidate and trying to sound like they are in the office, so do your best to avoid them.

#2. You know you’ve encountered a campaign staffer when you ask them a simple question and as they answer your question their voice slowly starts to rise and they get really passionate about their answer. If that’s the case, it’s simply because they are used to defending the every move of their boss.

More to come…..

A Letter to Sears

2010-09-28T10:05:00.006-05:00

Dear Sears,

Last week you had a fantastic sale on New Balance Tennis Shoes. Seeing that my husband needed a new pair of tennis shoes, as his current ones were given to him by my Father three years ago and who knows how many years my Father wore them, I decided to buy him a pair. Looking at my busy schedule as a campaign worker leading up to the election in November, I decided to buy the shoes from Sears.com. Even more exciting, I found a 20% off coupon code that included free shipping. I was so excited about the great deal I was getting without ever having to leave my couch!

After some difficulty ordering the shoes from the website, I finally entered my credit card information and purchased a snazzy new pair of tennis shoes on a Monday evening. Much to my surprise, a package from UPS arrived in the mail the very next Thursday! Could it be that my order was processed, shipped and received in just 4 short days? Amazing!

But then I opened the box and this is what I found:

One shoe. The left shoe, to be specific.

Really, Sears? I was not aware that I needed to specify in my order that I wanted the left AND right shoe included in my order.

Slightly frustrated, I picked up my cell phone to call the number listed on the "invoice." I put this in quotes because it was not really an invoice at all, but an email printed off with my order information. But I digress.

I called the 1-800 number listed on the "invoice." I spoke with a nice girl on the other end, but I ran into some problems. Mainly, every time I asked her a question she put me on hold for around 4 minutes and then came back with the answer. I was not asking hard questions, mainly ones such as: "Hi, I ordered a pair of shoes and only one came in the mail. What do I need to do to get my second shoe?" Like I said, not a hard question. Oh, also she kept apologizing that I only receive one "piece of shoe." One piece of shoe? Really?

After about 25 minutes of playing this fun little ask-a-question-get-put-on-hold game, I asked to speak to a supervisor. I was put on hold for 5 minutes and then the "supervisor" picked up the phone. I put it in quotes because I am 99% positive that it was the same girl I had just spoken to, she was just using a different name. But since I cannot prove that, I'll move on.

The supervisor told me my only option was to send the shoes back to Sears and then she could place a new order for two shoes. The catch was that my debit card would be charged for the second pair of shoes and I would not get my money back from the original shoe purchased for up to 15 business days. That was unacceptable to me. I can understand this process if I made a mistake and ordered the wrong item, but you only sent me one shoe! She assured me the money would be refunded to my card, but how could I trust that? I trusted you to send me two shoes!

The only remedy I could find was to go into a Sears store and exchange the shoes. Seeing that I had to work this past Saturday, my sweet husband went into the store to make the exchange. It took him six associates, three trips across the store, several phone calls to Sears.com from the associates in the store and an hour to make the return. An hour later, he finally walked out with two shoes, albeit in a wide not regular but at that point we didn't care, he was just glad to have two shoes. Or pieces of shoe, as the 1-800 girl would have said.

Last night he decided to try out his new pair of shoes on our evening walk. He pulled them out of the box and was about to put them on. Then he noticed something. The associates at Sears forgot to take the anti theft device off his shoes.

Really Sears?

So let's recap. In an effort to save time, I ordered shoes from Sears.com. My order came to me short one shoe. I then spent 30 minutes on the phone trying to figure out how to get the other shoe. My husband spent over an hour in a Sears store trying to return the shoes. Then we got home and realized that the anti theft device was still on the shoe. In my desire to save time and order off the internet, I have now cost myself over 2 hours.

So now I will have to go back to Sears to get them to take the anti theft device off my husbands shoe.

The only positive thing in the midst of this is that all my friends have gotten a really good laugh out of this situation. I cannot count the number of times I have pulled out my phone to show them a picture of the single "piece of shoe" that came in the mail.

So I guess, thank you for a good laugh?

Sincerely,

Laura Murray

Finally a paycheck!!

2010-07-09T11:44:00.002-05:00

So I got a new job last week and then realized that since I had to keep it on the DL for so long, I forgot to tell people about it once I was finally allowed to! Starting Monday, I will be working in conjunction with the Bill Flores for Congress campaign and Victory Texas to get Bill Flores and other conservative candidates into office. I am really excited about the possibilites that extend before me with this campaign. It'll be hard work - don't expect to see much of me between Labor Day and the elections - but I am very excited. When I look at my "political heroes" and the people I look up to, they all got their start working on campaigns so I recognize the fact that I will learn tons and gain great experience in the next few months.

I'll write more later, but for now I am going to sleep off the effects of my root canal this morning.

Colorado Sneak Peak

2010-06-05T16:02:00.004-05:00

I just got back from six great days in Colorado with my sister and two of her friends. I am currently too tired to even process thoughts about it, except for the fact that we saw everything and had a great time. We saw Breckenridge, Evergreen, Idaho Springs, Loveland Pass, Mt. Evans, Echo Lake, Castle Rock, Sedalia and Colorado Springs. I headed to collapse into bed, but I just wanted to share two of my favorite pics from the trip.

MaryClaire and I at Echo Lake. Funny story: we actually have a picture in this exact same spot from when we were 10 and 2!

Colorado Sneak Peak

2010-06-05T16:02:00.002-05:00

Overdue Update

2010-05-28T00:31:00.013-05:00

Goodness, it's been an embarrassingly long time since I've updated this blog. Oops. It's been a crazy 5 months for me! Here's a snapshot of life since January....

It snowed. ALOT. More snow than I have ever seen. It was, for this Texas girl, a dream come true. I loved waking up to see snow outside my window. It was delightful to hear kids shrieking with joy during snowball fights. Sometimes, I would just stand on my balcony and breath in the cold, sharp air. I loved it. Nathan and I also got the chance to make our first, legit snowman.

Nathan learned how to make pizza!! Seriously, he makes the best pizza I have ever had. I'm not just saying that because I have to, it really is phenomenal pizza. Our friends who have tried it can attest to this fact. Free on a Sunday night? Join us for our new Sunday night tradition: pizza, beer and a movie. It's a delightful way to end the weekend and prepare for the week ahead.

It's finally baseball season!! We love love love Rangers baseball. So far we've only been to a few games, but it is a delightful way to enjoy the not yet stifling hot Texas evenings.

We went back to Tyler for the weekend for MaryClaire and Hannah's Prom weekend. Aren't they gorgeous??

On a side note, Mom's dog Sadie got a really really bad haircut. Mom is currently refusing to take her in public until her hair grows back. While she no longer looks like a naked mole rat, she still has yet to achieve her pre haircut level of cuteness.

Nathan took me to Chicago to celebrate my 25th birthday, my graduation from University of Dallas and our two year anniversary! It was such a fun weekend to get away and explore a new city together.

I completed my Masters in Politics! It was a crazy busy two semesters, but I am so glad I crammed it all in and was able to complete the program in a year. I love the education that I received at the University of Dallas. In all seriousness, if anyone is looking to get a Masters in Humanities, History or Politics, I would highly recommend UD. They are unique in their approach because they teach and study out of primary sources, so students can actually form their own opinions about subjects instead of being told what to believe. My professors there are some of the most dynamic, knowledgeable and friendly people I have ever encountered. I learned more about politics, history and my personal worldview in one year that I learned in four years at A&M.

All in all, it has been a great five months. Hopefully the above pictures can make up for my lack of blogging and allow you, my three readers (shout out to Nathan, Lo and Reese), to see my life in pictures since January.

I am now on the job hunt for employment in Dallas. There are some great options out there for me, I am just waiting for the timing to be right. Currently, I am volunteering on some great local races, which is keeping me busy. I'm still working a few hours a week for a PAC, which continues to further my love of politics.

Thank you, faithful blog readers, for giving way to my semi annual insomnia that is currently wreaking havoc on my sleeping schedule, and reading my almost coherent ramblings. There are no more drawers to organize, closets to clean, floors to sweep or meals to be cooked in my apartment. I'm ready for my body to decide to start sleeping again.

Until next time.

Writing Contest

2010-01-18T23:42:00.008-06:00

I entered a writing contest a few months ago. I didn't win, but I wasn't expecting to. The prompt was: when did you first feel like an adult? The question really challenged me and helped me process the last 2.5 years of my life since I graduated from Texas A&M. Just thought I'd share it with you. Enjoy!

Remarkably, I did not feel like an adult when I was handed my college diploma. Nor did I feel like an adult when I landed my dream job in Washington DC and moved there with $1000 in my pocket and nowhere to live. And I didn’t even feel like an adult when I walked down the aisle to marry the man of my dreams. I didn’t feel like an adult as my husband and I combined our salaries after marriage and realized we were making over $100,000 a year at age 23.

That all changed November 4, 2008. While this date holds high sentimental value as the day when the first African-American was elected into office, that’s not the reason I feel like an adult.

No, November 4, 2008 was the day I was called into the CEO’s office, told I was a valued employee but unfortunately, I was to be let go. I had 10 minutes to clear my desk, say goodbye to coworkers and then walk to my car and melt into a sea of tears.

My sweet husband was the first to get the news. It didn’t completely shock us. Financial firms internationally were laying people off and we had been putting money in savings just in case. He offered to take the rest of the day off work to spend with me, but I told him to stay – someone had to make the money now! After phone calls to my parents and close friends, I finally collapsed on the couch, completely and utterly exhausted. I had been given a generous severance package, so finding a new job was the last thing on my mind. I was determined to keep high spirits and conquer all those pesky things on my “one day when I have the time” list. So for the next two months that’s exactly what I did. I learned how to cook, for which my husband was very grateful. I did all the Christmas shopping before Christmas Eve. I deep cleaned our small apartment and got rid of all our useless still-in-a-box wedding presents. I wrote letters. I spent quality time with friends and their children. I had lunch with my Mom. I spent time with my brothers and sisters. I organized every drawer in our home. I started reading again, something I was unable to find time to do when working.

And then just like that, I ran out of things to do. I looked up and it was January 5^th, 2009 and the days and weeks and months were stretching out before me – taunting me with their emptiness. Still determined to remain optimistic and in high spirits, I started the job search. I figured that surely someone with political experience on Capitol Hill and a degree from a respected University in our state would have no problem finding employment. Was I ever wrong.

January dredged by in front of my eyes. February solemnly began, had a middle and ended. By early March, my husband and I had to face the fact that a new salary wasn’t going to surface soon. So we cut our budget. And then we cut it again. A few weeks later we figured out the minimum amount of money it would take to purchase groceries (eating out was a thing of the past), pay for dry cleaning, gas and miscellaneous expenses and cut our budget again – that left us at $200 a week. For everything. I cannot count the number of times that I dissolved into tears over the prospect of having to eat dry pasta with butter for dinner. My husband, ever the trooper, would kindly smile my direction, dig through the couch for change and head to Chick Fil A. We began to get used to the stealthy glares from waiters at restaurants as we ordered one plate to share and waters to drink. We moved to a smaller apartment. I started to get creative in how I shopped for groceries. I began to compare prices at stores across town. I went to one store to get fruits and veggies, a different store for dry food staples and yet another one for household needs and cleaners.

And then all of the sudden I woke up one morning and life didn’t seem to be so difficult anymore.

Grocery store trips turned into a contest against myself to come in under budget. Desperate glances into our empty pantry turned into an adventure on what I could create for dinner that night. We began to discover fun things to do in our city that were free. I learned that the movie theater down the street offered the first showing of the day on Saturday for $5.00, so we turned Saturday morning into our “date night.”

That’s when I realized I was a grown up. Life will continue to throw curve balls at me. Jobs will end. Careers will change. Cars will break down. Friends will let me down. Money will always seem scarce. But it doesn’t matter, not really. What matters is celebrating life. It is waking up every morning with a renewed sense of purpose. It’s glancing across the bed in the morning and still being surprised that the guy who sat next to me in sophomore economics, the crush I had for years, actually married me. It’s enjoying lunch with my Mom. It’s driving 2 hours on Friday nights just to watch my sisters cheer at a football game.

It’s life. And I wouldn’t miss it for the world.

Haiti

2010-01-15T17:46:00.004-06:00

My heart, our hearts, should be more burdened for what is going on in Haiti. So often, it is easy for me to forget that suffering exists in the world. From my comfortable vantage point on the couch, life is easy. It seems impossible to imagine the chaos, fear and uncertainty that is gripping lives all across Haiti right now.

I wish there was something that I could do to help. Nathan and I have donated money, but I wish there was more. I was just convicted as I walked into my bathroom, opened the drawer and pulled out Neosporin and a bandaid for my burned finger. My injury is tiny compared to the children who have broken their pelvis, back, arm, leg or shoulders in the earthquake.

Nathan and I chose to donate to Samaritan's Purse, https://www.samaritanspurse.org/index.php/Giving/Haiti_Donation/, which is just one of many organizations that are providing relief in Haiti. We have also donated through this site: http://aaronivey.portmerch.com/stores/product.php?productid=17149. I wish I could give more.

I know that this is all part of God's redemptive plan, but right now I am struggling to understand how this fits in. I trust in the sovereignty of the Lord, but that is easy to say as I sit in my apartment, with a glass of water in hand and dinner on the table. I would hope that my words and sentiments would be the same if I were in Haiti right now.

Some friends pointed me to this blog, and I have found it extremely helpful in understanding what is going on, besides what the media is reporting: http://livesayhaiti.blogspot.com/. You can also follow Troy on Twitter: http://twitter.com/troylivesay. He has been giving consistent updates.

The Haitian government today announced that they estimate 140,000 people have died in the earthquake. Sweet Jesus, please allow the rescuers to find more people. Allow the hope and the promise that resides only in You to permeate this nation. Strengthen the missionaries and the church in Haiti.

The Last Few Weeks...

2010-01-07T11:58:00.004-06:00

In college, I never really valued Christmas Break. The 5 weeks that I didn't have class were fun and I enjoyed not studying, but I don't think I ever stopped to realize how great they were.

That has all changed now that I am in grad school. The fall semester started off fairly easy - I was able to keep up with the reading without much trouble. Midterms came and went without much difficulty. I knew that I had 5 final papers due the first week of December and then 4 finals the week after that, so I started researching for my papers and organizing my notes. I actually wrote 2 of my papers before Thanksgiving Break and my sweet husband spent a whole weekend in the library with me as I was writing. Then from the Monday after Thanksgiving until December 16, I did nothing but study. I'm not even kidding. I have never studied that much, done that much research or written so many pages in my life! I calculated it up: I wrote 75 pages over 2.5 weeks! Crazy. Needless to say, I did more intense studying in those 2.5 weeks then I ever did in undergrad. I honestly didn't speak to Nathan for longer than 20 minutes for that entire 2.5 weeks, I didn't clean the house, do the laundry or cook any meals.

That has made Christmas Break so sweet. I have loved just getting to lounge around the house (which is what I am currently doing: still in my pj's, sitting in front of a fire, watching TLC, organizing photos and blogging). For Christmas, my family gave me all cooking themed gifts so I have loved getting to use all of them! I even roasted a chicken earlier this week - I only gagged and screamed twice, which I think is pretty good.

Christmas morning at the Zandstra household

Along with lounging around the house, we had a great chance to take a small road trip to just get away and reconnect, along with seeing some sweet friends. We drove from Dallas to Jackson, MS to see our friends Hannah and Scott, and their son Ethan. It was so fun to see them and catch up. The next day we were able to have lunch with Nathan's college roommate, Cal and his new bride, Claire. We had seen them at their wedding 2 weeks earlier, but it was so fun to talk to them for longer than 30 seconds. After Jackson, we headed to Memphis, TN for some bbq from Rendevous, which was absolutely amazing. We also got to see one of my childhood friends, Elisabeth, and her husband Austin. After a fun night in Memphis, we headed to Hot Springs, AR for New Years Eve. Nathan booked a really cute B&B just outside the city. Hot Springs is a really cute little town and we had so much fun walking around, looking at the springs bubbling up around town and enjoying the scenery.

Hot Springs, AR

Dinner at Rendevous in Memphis

Now that we are back in Dallas, I am just enjoying lounging, reading, sleeping, cleaning and hanging out with friends. Classes start again on Jan 19 and I can't believe that this is my last semester! I'll be graduating May 16, which is almost unreal for me think about. This time last year I was unemployed and thinking my life wasn't going anywhere. A year later, I am starting my second and last semester of grad school and the possibilities for my career after May are so exciting! God is so good. Can't wait to see what this year holds!

Sweet Friends and a New Year

2010-01-01T20:24:00.002-06:00

Nathan and I spent this last week driving all over the South sight seeing, visiting old friends and playing with some new camera equipment. I am still unpacking and cleaning right now, but just wanted to leave you all with this sweet face for the night.......

Thanks

2009-11-25T08:58:00.002-06:00

Tuesday, November 24: I am thankful for music. Nathan plays the guitar wonderfully and it is so delightful to sit and listen to him play. I took piano lessons for years as a kid but really haven't played since I went to college. My parents got me a keyboard for my birthday last year and it has been so fun to start playing again!

Wednesday, November 25: I am thankful for my camera. I splurged before our wedding last year and bought the camera I have been wanting for years. It has been so neat to learn more about photography over the last year or so. Traveling to Paris and London this past year has yielded some great opportunities to take some fantastic pictures and learn more about how to take pictures.

Thanks

2009-11-23T09:35:00.002-06:00

Friday, November 20: I am thankful for flowers. Nathan is kind enough to bring me flowers at least twice a month and they most definitely brighten up the apartment.

Saturday, November 21: I am thankful for Shutterfly photo books. I loooooove getting to take our pictures and put them in these fun and creative albums. We have decided to make one every year to recap what we have done and then we might make one or two throughout the year if we have big trips or events. So far we have one for 2008, Paris and London.

Sunday, November 22: I am thankful for Real Simple magazine. This is by far my favorite magazine. Whenever it comes in the mail, Nathan knows he will lose me for the next two hours or so. Their creative solutions to organizing different areas of the home always inspire me and they always have really fun recipes to try out as well. Amazing.

Monday, November 23: I am thankful for Netflix. It's more than just movies coming in the mail - we have recently started using their feature that allows you to stream movies to your computer. Nathan got a cable that that hooks up our laptop to the TV so we can watch fabulous movies and TV show whenever we want. It's great!

A Thankful Heart

2009-11-19T14:19:00.003-06:00

Wednesday, November 18: Today, I am thankful for one of my professors who keeps me on my toes by giving me at least one good quote to laugh at each class period. He is one of the most opinionated men I have ever met - which says alot coming from me! He also could care less what you think about him, so he says anything that is on his mind. I love his class. I am actually two more classes from him next semester because I enjoy them so much. I don't agree with everything that he says, but they definitely make me chuckle. Here are some of my favorites so far:

"I'd do the Snoopy dance if they caught Bin Laden"

"Anytime someone tells you their role in life is raising awareness, they really mean they are a parasite." (In reference to the U.N.)

"I don't care if Iran has nuclear weapons. Use them badly or against the U.S., cease to exit [due to U.S. retaliation]!"

Thursday, November 19: I am thankful that Nathan asked me out three years ago today. Crazy, right? So much has happened in three years. We started dating, 5 weeks later I had surgery and he awkwardly met my parents in the waiting room as a tornado ripped the roof off a building across the street, I graduated, I moved to D.C., he stayed in College Station to finish school, he came to visit me in D.C., I came to Texas to visit him, we broke up, we got back together, I moved back to Texas, we got engaged, we both got jobs, we got married, I got laid off, he started traveling to Europe frequently, I started grad school. Wow. Alot can happen in three years. I will say, though, that I wouldn't have wanted to experience the last three years with anyone else!

This picture was taken at Alison and Josh's wedding, the night before he asked if we could start dating.

This picture was taken at their rehearsal dinner that same weekend. I'm wearing his coat because I was cold.....I was seriously hooked by that point!!

Texas A&M

2009-11-17T13:33:00.003-06:00

November 17, 2009: Today, I am thankful for Texas A&M University. 10 years ago, a terrible tragedy occurred on campus when the annual Bonfire collapsed, killing 12 Aggies. While I was not yet a student, I vividly remember where I was when I heard the terrible news. Entering my freshman year on campus 4 years later, the memory of that collapse still rang strong with all the students. The tradition, the love and the passion that Texas A&M students exude is different than any other college in the country. I became determined to take full advantage of my time at A&M so that I would walk away a better person, regardless of what I learned academically. I joined student organizations that taught me to lead by serving, to love people whom I don't even know and to love my friends with great abandon. My classes taught me to think critically, to evaluate all aspects of politics and to read voraciously. My professors and mentored challenged me to learn more than I ever thought possible. I loved my 4 years at A&M and look back on them wishing I could experience something like that again, but I know I never will. My 4 years there changed my life and have made me into the person that I am today.

Thanks again

2009-11-16T22:47:00.004-06:00

Sunday, November 15: I am thankful for funny websites that can make me smile, regardless of how stressful my day might have been. My most recent discover is mylifeisaverage.com. Some of my favorites....

A few days ago, my 7 year old sister found out that 'math' was short for 'mathematics.' Since then, she's been asking for the longer version of words to sound more intellectual. I had forgotten that I told her that the soda Coke was short for cocaine. I only remembered when she ordered cocaine to go with her dinner at a fancy restaurant with our extended family. MLIA.

A while ago I introduced my father to my first boyfriend. The only thing my dad said to him was "If you hurt my daughter, remember I have a shovel and woods. No one will find the body." Several months later, he broke up with me. Today, my dad and I were at Home Depot buying a shovel. my ex saw us, and my dad pointed to the shovel. The look on my ex's face was priceless. MLIA

The other day I was thinking about how not all the MLIAs about old people could be true. Then today I got a call from my grandfathers nursing home saying that he faked a heart attack around some of the new nurses scaring the life out of them. Apparently he does this to every batch of new employees.MLIA

Today, the sinks flooded in the girls bathroom, somebody wrote in lipstick "the chamber of secrets has been opened", I love my school. MLIA

If you are looking for another way to waste time I would recommend peopleofwalmart.com. Amazing.

Monday, November 16: Today, I am thankful for Gilmore Girls. I love the small town charm, quick wit and characters who I secretly wish were my best friends. I am fairly convinced that if I ever ran into Alexis Bledel or Lauren Graham we would instantly becomes friends. It's so delightful to come home at the end of a long day of studying to find multiple episodes recorded on our DVR (which I am also very very thankful for....)

Thankful Again

2009-11-14T20:33:00.006-06:00

Thursday, November 12: I am thankful for CraigsList. Today, I found a beautiful new dining room table listed on it! For the last year and a half, we have been using an old desk that we sanded down and painted. It was a good temporary fix, but adults couldn't really fit under the table while sitting in the chairs. I finally had enough and started looking for a new one. On my first try, I found a gorgeous table from Pottery Barn for a ridiculously cheap price! It honestly was exactly what I was looking for! Isn't it gorgeous?? It matches our current chairs and everything.

Friday, November 13: I am thankful for Outlet Malls! I know this sounds silly, but they seriously save us so much money. We honestly only buy clothes at Outlet Malls because they are at such a discounted price. The styles may be a few months late and the clothes might not be exactly what I want, but otherwise I wouldn't be buying new clothes at all. I am especially grateful today, because on top of the great deals they already offer, a sweet friend shared with me a 30% off your total purchase at Gap, Banana Republic and Old Navy. We were able to buy so many Christmas presents and needed clothes.

Saturday, November 14: I am thankful for childhood friends. I was so blessed as a child to have a great group of friends around me. Our moms were friends, so we were always playing together. When we moved from Dallas in '98, I lost touch with all those friends. Over the last year or so, so many of my childhood friends have moved back to Dallas. It is such a treat to reconnect with them and rekindle our relationships! I am so loving getting to know them again, this time as adults. What a blessing.

Hallie, Me, Sarah.....just two of the friends I have been able to reconnect with here in Dallas!

Thankfulness

2009-11-11T22:51:00.005-06:00

November 11, 2009: I am thankful for country music. Silly? Maybe, but I love it! When I moved to Tyler in 8th grade I didn't have many friends, so country music became my lifeline. In part because I simply loved that their music told stories and in part because it was the only radio station we got. In 10th grade when I started driving myself to school, country singers became my friends on the 30 minutes each way drive. To this day if I am alone in our apartment, you will usually find me singing or humming a country song. In my other life, I would have been a country music super star. My ideal vacation would be spent in Nashville and Franklin, Tennessee looking for country stars. I'm convinced that if I ever met Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, Brad Paisley or Kellie Pickler we would be BFF's. I may or may not follow my favorites on Twitter......

Thankful Heart.....

2009-11-10T19:12:00.012-06:00

November 10, 2009: I am thankful for my wonderful friends! I have been so blessed to have so many wonderful friends surrounding me. So many times it is easy to bemoan the fact that they are spread out all across the country and that the fun days of living in the same town or going to the same college are over. Even though all my friends live so spread out, I am thankful for the sweet phone conversations and weekend trips to visit them.

The best bridesmaids a girl could ask for! Allison, Kristen, Laura, MaryClaire, Hannah, Alison, Laura

Wonderful high school Bible study girls: Lindsay, Lindsey, Jennifer, Sarah

Delightful college roommates Junior year: Laura, Alison and Courtney

Crazy roommates Senior year: Brittany, Abbey, Meredith

Summer 2004 Wild Woods - best summer working at camp! Emily and I

A Thankful Heart

2009-11-09T13:55:00.002-06:00

November 7, 2009: I am thankful for books. My little sister aptly reminded me this weekend that I used to get grounded from reading when I was a kid. Most kids get grounded from TV or playing outside or their friends. Not me. Nope, my mom would take away my books and I would cry for days. My recent favorite books are the Thursday Next series by Jasper Fforde.

November 8, 2009: I am thankful for my iPhone. I resisted for a long time but finally gave in when Nathan bought one for me in September. I love having Facebook and Twitter in my fingertips during a boring class. I love having Google maps with me in my car when I am lost. Most importantly, I love Tetris. It's my new favorite game to play. Seriously, I might be obsessed. I dare you to break my high score.

November 9, 2009: I am thankful for my diploma from Texas A&M. There was a huge debacle at the end of the my senior year and I didn't end up getting my diploma for another year and a half. Like I said, huge debacle. I fought and fought for that diploma and am so grateful for it! I wouldn't have chosen to get my diploma the way I did, but I am so much more grateful for it than I would have been any other way!

A Long Year

2009-11-06T15:42:00.012-06:00

Wednesday, November 4, of this week marked one year since I have been laid off. One year later I am still jobless. One year later we are still trying to figure out how to get by one salary. One year later we are in a smaller apartment, which is part of trying to get by one salary. One year later and it still hurts. One year later I am still reliving the scenes in my mind from that day.

I thought Wednesday would be harder than it was. I definitely thought about it most of the day, but no snide or sarcastic remarks actually made it from my thoughts to my tongue. But I can feel the bitterness starting to move in. It's like I can feel it crouching in the dark hidden woods around me, waiting to pounce when I am most vulnerable. I can't let it. It's been a tumultuous year to say the least, but I am a better person because of it. There is no way I would want to return to the person I was at this time last year. So in an effort to stay positive and not dwell on the pain of the last year, I have decided to come with one thing I day I am grateful for every day from now until the end of the month. I'll even make it retroactive so that I am forced to find more ways that I have been blessed. So here goes.

November 1, 2009: I am thankful for my wonderful, kind, supportive and handsome husband. There is no way I would have survived the last year without him. Granted, I would likely still be sitting on the couch unshowered and not eating. But in more ways that I can mention, he has dragged, pulled, bribed and loved me through the last 365 days, even when I wanted to give up.

November 2, 2009: I am thankful for my amazing family. They make me laugh so hard that I cry and are always guaranteed to bring a smile to my face. While I do miss when we were all kids and lived carefree lives, I am thankful to be figuring out the grown up world with them by my side. On the topic of them making me laugh, this picture is one of my favorites from the last year. We were trying to take a group picture with a timer but no tripod. As I hit the timer and started running to get in the picture, the camera shifted. So logically, everyone ducked down to still get in the picture. Cause, clearly we would not have all fit otherwise.

November 3, 2009: I am thankful for the opportunity to travel this past year. This last year we have been to Paris, London, and on a cruise to Jamaica and the Grand Caymans. Nathan has started traveling for work and since I didn't have a job, I was able to accompany him to Paris and London. It was fabulous - we now officially have the travel bug. The cruise was for our one year anniversary. Here we are swimming with Sting Rays in the Grand Caymans.

November 4, 2009: I am thankful for the opportunity to go to grad school. I didn't really want to go to grad school - it wasn't in "my" picture of life. I had a bit of a debacle with A&M near graduation so my grades did not end up being very good. But Nathan encouraged me to at least apply so I did. I was accepted to the University of Dallas in their Masters of Politics program. With a 50% scholarship. And with a grant that made up almost the rest of the tuition money. There was no way I could deny at that point that the Lord was clearly pointing me to grad school. And I love it! I am learning so many cool things.

November 5, 2009: I am thankful for a wonderful and comfy apartment to call home. We moved in the middle of the year to save some money but ended up with an even better apartment before. Other than the raccoon that calls our attic home, we love it. Its safe, cozy, close to friends and most importantly within walking distance to Target and our favorite Mexican food restaurant.

November 6, 2009: I am thankful for my new to us car. About 3 months ago I took Max the Maxima in to have her alignment fixed. I walked away with an unaligned car and a suggestion that my car needed $4,500 worth of work. Needless to say, my car was not even worth that much money. So we drove it to a place that buys cars the next day to see what it was worth. The offered us $1,700 which was less than what we thought the car was worth. We walked away from the offer knowing that we had 7 days to think about it. The next morning, my power steering and air conditioning went out. Thinking about the offer over: we took it. The next day Nathan found the most beautiful car I had ever seen. It has been my dream car for about four years and I never thought I would actually own it. My sweet husband traipsed all over Dallas and the internet trying to find one in our price range. We found the perfect car: a 2006 Hyundai Santa Fe with 62,000 miles. I love my Fe.

Thoughts on the Tower of London

2009-10-07T20:19:00.004-05:00

Last week, I was privileged to be able to go to London with my husband. We had a fabulous time. I was privileged to have visited the city with my Mom in August 2006, but had a fantastic time re-exploring the city with Nathan. On Sunday we went to my favorite site in London - the Tower of London. I will never tire of learning about the history of this fascinating castle and the mysteries that surround it.

Contained in the Tower of London is the pride of the British people - the Crown Jewels. Amazing. I mean, these crowns, scepters and such have been in use in for thousands of years. We think our 100 year old buildings in America are amazing. Everything in England puts that thought to shame.

To see the Crown Jewels you have to snake through this giant exhibit that gives the history of the Royal Family, which is really interesting. Then, you enter into an area that shows various video's of these Crown Jewels in use throughout the years. I found these video's interesting, but I didn't care ti watch them - I wanted to see the real thing!

This is where I began to notice something interesting. The line began to clog here. People were stopping to stare and gape at these video's. They walked closer to the screens for a better look. They were talking in hushed amazement to their friends.

I didn't get it. I wanted to grab their shoulders and say, "Keep walking! Just through that door are the REAL THINGS! Not the video's the ACTUAL, REAL Crown Jewels. Why the heck are you standing here gaping at pictures of them, when the real things are just a few steps away??"

And that's when it hit me.

So many times in my Christian life I am content to sit and look at the pretty pictures of Christian faith. I am content to read stories about missionaries overseas, while sitting in the comfort of my home. I am content to listen to my friends talk about their service to the Lord, while watching TV in my spare time. I am content to buy the newest book about how to seek the Lord the best, instead of picking up my Bible.

I don't seek the Lord's face. I don't take the time to be intimately acquainted with him. I don't take the time to sit in His presence and meditate on His word.

I am content to sit and look at the pretty pictures of the Lord, instead of taking the extra effort to actually know and see Him.

So my challenge to myself since last Sunday has been to get past the comfort of the pretty pictures of the Christian faith and to actually seek to face of Christ. To actually bask in His presence as opposed to reading another book about Christianity.

And as soon as Nathan gets home and figures out what is wrong with iPhoto, I'll blog about the rest of our fabulous time in the U.K.

Cheers!

How to Save A Life

2009-10-01T09:11:00.000-05:00

My sister-in-law Allison owes her life to the health care system in America. I’m not kidding. Allison was born with Truncus Arteriosus, an extremely rare congenital heart defect. Only one in a million children are born with this condition. Born October 16, 1986 to David and Karen, she appeared relatively healthy, other than a loud heart murmur. The doctors performed a simple sonogram and sent her home, assuming that it would heal on its own, which it usually does. Allison seemed to adapt to life at home with her two older siblings, but still Karen felt like something was wrong. As time went by, Karen noticed that Allison wasn’t gaining any weight and that she wasn’t crying as much as her other children had. More extensive tests were done in December, but they were inconclusive. In February 1987, Allison caught a slight cold and went to the pediatrician for some antibiotics. The doctor was concerned about her now louder heart murmur, so he suggested that Karen and David take Allison back to a cardiologist just to ensure that nothing additional was wrong with her heart. Two days later, Karen took Allison back to see the pediatric cardiologist. He took one look at her chest x-ray and saw that she was in congestive heart failure at just 4 months old. She was rushed to Children’s Medical Center in Dallas, Texas for further tests. After days of testing, the doctors and her parents knew that a radical and risky surgery was the only thing that could save her life. On Monday, Allison was released from the hospital to spend the night at home. The next day, Allison and her parents left for the University of California San Francisco Moffitt Hospital for a life saving surgery to correct the Truncus Arteriosus. It was a hard decision to travel to San Francisco for the surgery - while it had been performed in Dallas, it had only been successfully performed in San Francisco. They arrived there and spent several anxious days waiting for Allison to stabilize for surgery.

The day after they got to Moffitt Hospital, David and Karen met Dan and Debbie. Dan and Debbie had brought their son Derek USCF for the same surgery that Allison was to undergo, with just a slightly different story. Derek was born in Calgary, Canada. He was born with the same condition as Allison, Truncus Arteriosis, and was properly diagnosed, but because of the nationalized healthcare in Canada, there was an extensive time delay in getting the life saving medical care he needed. His doctor was not up to date on current research for infant heart conditions. By the time the doctors took the time to take a hard look at Derek’s case, he was ten months old and very sick. When the doctors realized the severity of his heart defect, he was rushed to UCSF Moffitt’s Hospital.

Derek had his surgery in late February at ten months old. Allison’s followed on February 22, at 4 ½ months old, a mere 9 pounds. She was in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit for four days and then in the hospital about another week, until she was able to go home, finally a healthy baby girl.

Derek also was in the PICU after his surgery, but he never left. 52 days later, on April 15, 1987, Derek died.

Allison lived. Derek died. Allison had access to excellent health care for the first four months of her life. Derek received a diagnosis but was told to wait. Allison and was able to have surgery within a week after it was determined she needed it. Derek had to wait ten months for the surgery.

I am not saying our current health care system is perfect. I know that people fall through the cracks every day. But it works. It works for those who choose to buy the healthcare that their companies offer. It works for those who, even when unemployed, buy health insurance options from the many health care providers across the nation. It works for small babies like Allison that need emergency medical care to save their lives. It works for parents who choose to take part in programs like SCHIP, which provides health care for children whose parents cannot currently afford it.

I acknowledge the fact that our system needs to change: it’s not perfect by any means.

But that is no reason to overhaul our system and create a something where you have to wait to receive healthcare that will save your babies life. Compromising our healthcare and jeopardizing the lives of our babies, parents and friends is not an option. It’s a human life. We have to find a way to protect them all.

I Might Be Crazy

2009-09-10T18:56:00.002-05:00

I might be crazy. Seriously.

I have decided to get my Master's degree in one year. Actually, two semesters - Fall and Spring.

The reason I applied to the University of Dallas was the fact that they advertised that their Masters in Politics program could be completed in a year. Once I got there and met with my Advisor, I learned that only 4 students have ever completed the program in a year. Yikes. Every Professor I have met with (and by the way they aren't called professors at UD.....they all have their PhD and we refer to them as Dr. such and such, never professor. I actually was slightly chastised for calling one of my Dr.'s, professor, but anyways....) has said that I would be crazy to try and complete this program in a year. They say it can't be done.

I say, bring it on.

So I am taking 15 hours this semester and 15 hours in the Spring. I am actually really excited about my classes. Three of them are the traditional set up: midterm, final and one research paper. One of them simply has one 12 page paper and two 4 page papers (easy!!). The other one has a take home midterm, a final and one paper. Also important to note that only 2 of my classes are strictly graduate only courses. The other 3 are open to Senior Politics majors, which means technically they are undergrad - the only difference for me is that my paper has to be 5 pages longer. Again, easy.

My classes are amazing, so amazing. I will admit that by sharing with you all (and by that I mean my maybe 4 faithful readers) that I will come off as a nerd, but I am really excited about all my classes. So here goes.

Monday
6:00 - 8:50 pm Rousseau

T/R
9:30 - 10:50 Plato's Republic
11:00 - 12:20 Federalists/AntiFederalists
12:30 - 1:50 International Law

Wednesday
7:00 - 9:50 pm Modern Thought

Midterms will be manageable since I only have 3. Finals will be a bit harder as I will have 4. Since I have 5 research papers due between November 24 - December 11, I have decided to start writing them in early October. If I at least start my research and get my topics approved I can work on the papers as I have time for the next 1.5 months instead of waiting til the last minute.

I'm really excited. Possibly more excited that come May 2010 I will have my Masters in Politics, which opens up a whole new range of career possibilities. Maybe in Dallas, but honestly and hopefully in Washington D.C. Sometimes I miss D.C. so much that my heart aches. But now as I sit in these classes I can feel my dream of moving back to D.C. inching back closer and closer.

It's going to be a long two semesters with lots of studying but I am so excited. Bring it.

Win

2009-09-02T11:55:00.004-05:00

"For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jer 29:11

I know this verse. I have known it since 3rd grade. But it has always just been one of those happy, comforting, tell someone else to make them feel better when things aren't going their way verses.

I've never claimed it for me. Until now.

As many of you know, I was laid off in November. It was a dark time in my life. Then I got a new job....it lasted 6 weeks and I was laid off again. Ouch.

These summer months have passed slowly for me. I've spent many of them discouraged beyond words. I would look for a new job for 4 hours every weekday. On average, I applied to 25 jobs a week. I got one response.

My darkest and most discouraging hour was last Monday night. I was truly convinced that I would never work again. That I would never reach any of my aspirations in life. That I would be stuck in Dallas forever.

And that's when God stepped in and rocked my world.

I got accepted in graduate school to get my Masters in Politics at the University of Dallas. With a 50% scholarship. And was given a significant grant (aka don't have to pay back!) from the state of Texas.

Wow.

I start class today. I am taking 12 fantastic hours of classes that sound marvelous: Abraham Lincoln, Plato's Republic, International Politics, and Federalists/Anti Federalists.

I don't know what will happen come August when I graduate. I don't know if I will ever get to move back to Washington, D.C. I don't know if I will ever get to leave Dallas.

But I do know one thing.

At my lowest and darkest moment, God is still sovereign. He has a plan more masterful and magnificent than I can ever imagine.

So bring it on, grad school. I'm ready for this next phase of my life.

One of those days

2009-08-05T20:35:00.006-05:00

Do you ever have one of these days?

more Fail Dogs

Do you ever feel so close to finally winning, to finally getting it right, to finally catching that frisbee and then just like that you realize you didn't get it and everyone is watching?

Some days I feel so close to getting a job I am already planning what pictures to put on my desk. Then its given to someone else. Some days I feel like I am a great wife. And then I say something that hurts his feelings. Some days I feel like a great big sister. And then I do something stupid. Some days I feel like a great friend. And then I let a friend down.

And some days I feel like nothing I do turns out right. Even when I try harder, I still mess things up and nothing goes right.

Good thing my life is not up to me. Good thing at the end of the day, it's not really about me. Good thing I serve a God who in the midst of my depravity loves my just as I am, regardless of how useless and worthless I feel.

"But in all these things we OVERWHELMINGLY CONQUER through Him who loved us." Romans 8:37

P.S. If you are ever looking for a good laugh or wanting to feel a bit better about yourself, check out failblog.org (It has some sketch material, but you can click on the G rated version) or faildogs.com. Both are a surefire way to get a good laugh.

true story

2009-05-08T22:43:00.003-05:00

Communication is a key part of marriage, everyone knows that. There have only been a few times in the last year that we have had a total communication breakdown. Tonight was one of those nights. It was such a fantastic breakdown that I just had to share.

Let me set the scene.

We are driving down 75 heading back to our apartment after a long day of moving and we are totally exhausted.

Laura: Huh, that person [in the car next to us] has dreads. Sigh.
Nathan: Really? You could tell?
Laura: Well, yeah.
Nathan: How?
Laura: I just looked and saw.
Nathan: Was she cursing at herself or yelling?
Laura: Uh, no. Why? Do people with dreads do that? Man, I need dreds; I totally fit that profile.
Nathan: Wait, did you say dreads or tourette's?
Laura: DREADS!

Anyways, hope you enjoy our little communication breakdown. Marriage is totally worth it, even in the non communicating moments.

The War on Terror

2009-01-22T22:24:00.003-06:00

We have been safe these last few years since September 11 BECAUSE of the laws and decisions that were made on behalf of the Bush Administration. I am not saying that I agree with all the decisions made, but we are safe due to the fact that the Bush administration has been diligent in the War on Terror. Also just a small note, terrorists are not protected under the Geneva Convention. By definition Al Qaeda does not qualify for protection under the Geneva Convention because they are terrorists (see Article 3). And yes, there have been some instances of abuse in the prisoners that the United States has taken and that is completely intolerable. See the article below if you would like more details.

The fact of the matter is, we have not been attacked again on American soil because the U.S. Military, the NSA, the CIA, the FBI and countless others have been aggressive in the eradication and punishment of those who practice terrorism.

This is a new war where we will have to redefine HOW to fight. We are not battling against a country, our enemies are small people groups within countries. This calls for a new strategy. Just like the US had to create a whole new strategy to fight the Cold War (where most of the war was fought by spies and not a "traditional" shot was fired) so we will have to create a new strategy for the War on Terror. Our enemies are not heads of states, they are the people that live within the borders of other countries. We have not found this new strategy yet, but completely wiping away everything that the Bush administration has done for the last 8 years will not get us closer to winning this war.

The enemies that seek to kill us are ruthless. They tell their children that it is good for American's to die, that they should all hope to have the privilege of slitting Americans throats in the streets, or of watching American children die. Our enemies are radicals who have even been shunned by people in the same religion that they claim to follow.

Please see the following from an article in the National Review:

"Democrats are intent on cultivating a mythology of torture to discredit George W. Bush's administration, and the latest epistle of their faith in Sen. Carl Levin's misleading and relentlessly partisan report, 'Inquiry into the Treatment of Detainees in the U.S. Custody.' Contrary to the report, the Bush administration did not 'redefine' detainee-treatment law; it undertook to determines precisely what the law says and who it covers. Neither did the Bush administration negate the Geneva Conventions' Common Article 3, which requires that the prisoners it covers be 'treated humanely.' By definition, al-Qaeda is not qualified for Geneva protections because it is a terrorist organization. Nonetheless, the Bush administration made humane treatment of Qaeda prisoners a matter of policy. Three Qaeda captives have been waterboarded during interrogations, a practice that Congress has declined to criminalize. The abuse of prisoners is not to be tolerated - and under the Bush administration it has not been: dozens of U.S. military personnel have been disciplined and a number tried in courts-martial. There is a world of difference between freelance wrongdoing at the hands of a minuscule proportion of soldiers at Abu Ghraib and a government policy of torture. The Democrats' attempt to conflate the two is a shameful elevation of politics over the sometimes unpleasant necessities of national defense."

Merry Christmas to All

2008-12-23T23:30:00.002-06:00

Christmas is by far my favorite holiday. Seriously, I start getting giddy early November. I start plotting Christmas gifts for family and friends months in advance so that I can give them the perfect gift. I love driving around and looking at Christmas lights while sipping on a peppermint mocha from Starbucks. I love going to the mall and looking at all the new decorations. I love the Salvation Army bell ringers at the entrance to ever store. I love decorating our apartment for Christmas.

But in all this, it's not the commercialism of Christmas that gets me excited. I know in this secular world it's all about waking up on Christmas morning to the loads of presents under the tree. That's not what I am celebrating.

I am celebrating the anticipation of the Christmas season. It seems as if the Christmas season is tingling with the anticipation that something big is about to be revealed. Even for those who celebrate only the gifts of Christmas, they are anticipating the morning where all will be revealed.

Something big is about to happen.

Something big did happen that has left the world in anticipation for thousands of years. A Savior was born in a lowly manger. A King was born to a virgin mother and a poor father.

And that King was born to die.

Christmas happened so that we could have Easter. As my father so aptly put it, "The wood of the manger rubs up against the wood of the cross."

I celebrate Christmas for so many more reasons than the presents. I celebrate Christmas because it means that a Savior was born.

That is something worth anticipating. And that is something worth celebrating.

Merry Christmas, my friends.

On Being Laid Off

2008-11-30T22:38:00.004-06:00

As you can likely tell from the preceeding title, I have had an eventful few weeks. Almost four weeks ago to the day, I joined the slowly growing group of people who have been laid off. My emotions have ranged from sheer excitement of getting to grocery shop during the daylight hours to an almost unbearable sinking feeling of puposelessness. Granted, I was not in my dream job. I really was not even working in an industry I enjoyed. But I was working, and that is key. Regardless of whether or not I liked my previous job, I was finding my validation in the "real world" by spouting off my fancy title at a fancy firm. By all the worlds standards, I was climbing the ladder of success and following the path that all young professionals have taken. But all that changed in a span of 20 minutes. One minute I was sorting mail outs and I kid you not, 30 minutes later I was standing at an elevator with all my personal belongings from my desk. I cannot tell you what it feels like to wake up every day at 7:00 a.m., cook breakfast, pack Nathan's lunch and get him out the door, have a quiet time, work out, shower, clean the apartment and run some errands....and be completely done with everything on my to do list by 11:00 a.m. I cannot express to you the feelings of worthlessness, the lack of purpose and the sheer boredom I have felt in the last month.

But there is one thing I can tell you. God is good. There is simply no other truth that I have clung to these past few weeks. I can rest in the fact that I serve a soveriegn God who holds my life and my breath in His hands. Before the foundations of the earth were laid, He chose me, He called me, and He rescued me.

I caved a few weeks ago and rebought a CD that I lost in the move from College Station to Virginia to Tyler to Dallas. I really only bought it for one song. This song has become the theme of my days over the last few weeks. Every second of every day is a challenge to believe the truths that Christ has proclaimed to me - that I am a called child of His, I am loved, I am cherished, I am redeemed and I am valued. When every other second I want to believe the lies of the world - that I am a failure, that I am worthless and that I bring no value to the world. But the words of this song strike straight to my soul. They bring my to my knees almost every time I hear them. I nearly weep every time I hear these truths.

"Psalm 73" sung by Indelible Grace

Surely God is good
To all the pure in heart
But as for me, my feet had almost slipped
I nearly lost my grip
For I envied, the arrogant
They are free, from my burdens

Surely I, in vain,
Have kept my, my heart pure
And surely they are strong and free from trials
While I am so confused
Then I entered Your holy place
Then I saw their destiny

Surely, they’re cast down
As those on slippery ground
As dreams fade when we wake, so they become
Completely swept away
In my heart I was arrogant
Like a beast before You

Yet always You are near
You guide me by Your Word
And always, my Lord God, You are my strength
My portion You will be
You’re my refuge, my Sovereign Lord
I will sing of Your awesome deeds

You’re my refuge, my Sovereign Lord
I will sing of Your awesome deeds

I have become arrogant. I began to believe in the allure of power and money. And it was all gone in the 2 seconds it took me to sign some paperwork. And then I became bitter. Bitter at those who got to keep their jobs. Bitter at those who were suceeding in these hard economic times. I had worked hard to get where I was. I spent countless hours working on projects to impress by bosses. I spent hours trying to get their approval and their validation.

And then I entered the holy place of the Lord and I saw that it did not matter. Not then, not now, not ever.

You are my refuge, my sovereign Lord and I will sing of your awesome deeds.

I Choose Now

2008-10-15T11:16:00.010-05:00

"I trust in God's unfailing love for ever and ever." Psalm 52:8

As I sit at my desk at work, our world is facing so many unknowns. The economy and the stock market are daily fluctuating and no one knows definitively when (or if) it will ever recover. The credit market is nearly frozen. Our country is on the verge of a pivotal presidential election that will define the next four to eight years of our nation. Our armed forces are in the middle of their 5th straight year of war in Iraq and Afghanistan, thanklessly protecting the freedom we enjoy every day. The church in America is seemingly endlessly arguing about doctrine, congregational beliefs and differences, homosexuals serving in leadership positions in the church, the role of the church in individuals lives and so much more. The job market seems to be shrinking on a daily basis, which worries me for the next wave of college graduates. Radical Islamic fascism is continuing to spread across sections of the Middle East and even, yes, in America. These individuals are fixated on destroying our way of life by whatever means necessary. Russia is again rearing it's angry head and continuing a downward spiral back to the former ways of the U.S.S.R. Teenagers are talking about and watching things that would have made our parents blush just twenty years today. Parent's busy work, social and volunteer schedules are cutting into their precious few years when their children are home and willing to learn from and listen to them. Children's disrespect for their parents in public and private is diminishing and devaluing the role of a parent's life in their child.

Some nights I lay in bed and worry about where our world is heading. I wonder if it's responsible to go for my dream job, when I have a good paying job right now. I wonder what my role in this ever changing world will actually be. I wonder about the safety of future generations. I wonder if I will ever get to backpack across Europe (fickle worry, I know, but still). I wonder if I will get to return to D.C. to work and live.

And yet in the midst of this, I hear a small voice whispering, "Look to Me. Seek Me. Trust Me. Follow Me." But that's crazy, right? To give up the worrying, the wondering, the sleepless nights, the endless plans and schemes to get what I want in life?

Yet again I hear the same voice whispering - okay fine, yelling - to me, "Who are you to question Me! Me! I am the God who brought your forefathers out of the desert and into the promised land. I am the God who has shepherded His people for generations. I am the God who sent you a Savior, my son, in physical form so that you could inherit eternal life. I am the God who laid the foundations of the earth before you were born. I am the God who saved Noah from a devastating flood so that mankind could continue through his line. I am the God who called you out of darkness and into light. I am your God and I will never leave you or forsake you."

And when I finally listen to this gentle voice, I have no choice but to, "Trust in God's unfailing love forever and ever." And tomorrow I am going to have to get up and choose the same thing. And the next day. And the day after that. And the day after that.

In the words of my dear friend Anthony:

"I choose now
To be humbled in Your presence
I choose now
To fall on my face
Cause one day
Every knee will bow but Jesus
I choose now."

So I choose now. Not tomorrow. Not the next day. Not when the stock market rises again or my candidate wins the White House. Not when I get my dream job. Not when I get a pay raise to make life more convenient.

No. I choose now.

Simply Blessed

2008-07-20T21:42:00.003-05:00

As I sit here on the couch, my heart is overflowing with the realization of how blessed I am. I am first and foremost blessed to be called a child of God - to know that I was called out and claimed before the foundations of the earth were laid is more than I can comprehend. I am ridiculously blessed to call Nathan my husband. I am sitting here watching him play the guitar and I cannot imagine a better way to spend a Sunday night. I am blessed to have an hour with my mom today to share a cup of coffee in the middle of summer chaos. I am blessed to have a family that loves me regardless of what I do, where I live or how grumpy I am. I have six amazing siblings who have shaped and formed my view of the world for the last 23 years, whether or not they know it. I am blessed to have friends who I can be real and honest with - friends who have seen me at my highest and seen me at my lowest and yet still choose to love me. I am blessed to be a part of a church community that even though we have only been going a few weeks they already recognize us and know our names. I am blessed to have a job where I am challenged on a daily basis and where I receive a pay check every two weeks when so many people are struggling to make ends meet right now.

It's good to take a step back and realize the ways that the Lord has blessed each and every one of us. The world is a scary place, especially right now. Sometimes I struggle to find the good in a long work day, I take my eyes off the goal and sulk around in the sludge of life. I read the news and think that nothing good can come of the war in Iraq, the nuclear talks with Iran, and the faltering (if not failing) economy in the United States. I look around me and I see a hurting and dying world that is crying out for more - even if they don't know it. I see young girls crying out for the attention of their fathers only to find blank faces staring at a small Black Berry screen. I see young boys trying to prove their self worth in the world, only to be met with the judgment that they are not good enough til they have made their first million.

I look at all these things and it is so easy to get caught in the muck of it all. So it's good to take a step back and realize the things that I am blessed to partake in, even if I can't see the blessing of it at times.

At the end of the day, I come back to the praise that the psalmist sings to the Lord, "Because Your lovingkindness is BETTER THAN LIFE, my lips will praise You." Psalm 63:3. Because Your love is better than life. Not because I have a good job, or good friends, or the right clothes, or the right pants size. No, because Your love is better than the last breath I took, because Your love is better than anything I can experience this side of Heaven, my lips will praise You.

Now that is being blessed, my friends.

Learning to Live

2008-07-06T22:20:00.005-05:00

So it's been a while. There's been so much going on in my head that my verbal processing has been slower than normal. Anyways, on we go. (1) Married life is fantastic! We highly recommend it to all our friends. :) (2) We are now officially house sitting for the next 5 weeks. If you are in Dallas and want to play Guitar Hero, Rock Band, Wii, grill out on an awesome patio or swing around in a library on a ladder, then come our way! (3) Nathan is still loving his job. I, on the other hand, had a small change in my job description and am learning to cope with new responsibilities and expectations. More on that to come.

On to bigger and better things. These last 7 weeks of being married has taught me loads of things about my life. Getting married tends to teach you things you didn't know about yourself. Anyways, as Nathan and I have spent the last 7 weeks together learning to live life together, love each other and just learn to live with another person, I wanted to stop and soak up every minute of it so that I could fully live life. That's when the problems started. I started to realize that I didn't know how to fully live my life anymore. I began to realize that over the last 2 years I have tended to check out when things get tough and shut down instead of dealing with problems. I thought this was my way of solving my problems.

Some of you may remember that my senior year of college was a giant learning year for me. I was deeply hurt by some friends and it felt like my life was crashing down around me. All I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry. Which I did on numerous occasions. But I never healed. I never got better. Instead I checked into survival mode. I had classes to pass, rent to pay and career decisions to make. So I just kept on going at life. I finished up in May at A&M and moved directly to Washington DC to work for Senator John Cornyn. It was the job catch of a lifetime and I threw myself into my work. But it was hard. I had no friends in DC, my job was boring at times and I desperately missed my family, friends and Nathan. So my survival mode of life continued. I moved back to Texas in November and got engaged in December, so my life was absolutely insane. As I planned a wedding and started a new job, the survival mode continued. Then we got married and I finally had a chance to stop. For the first time in over a year, I have gotten to just stop. There is nothing looming on the horizon, no big decisions to make. And that's when it clicked. It was when I tried to start living and enjoying life to the fullest and I realized I had been in survival mode for so long that I didn't know how to live life like that. It was a long tearful conversation with Nathan as we were driving home that lead me/us to that conclusion.

So that is what I am working on right now - living life to the fullest. At the end of the day, I want to know that I have played my hardest, worked my hardest, talked my hardest, loved my hardest and lived my hardest. I want to know that I have done everything possible to love the people and situations that have crossed my path during the day. I want to collapse into bed at night absolutely certain that I took advantage of everything in the day. I tell you, it's a journey. It hasn't been easy and it won't start getting easier for a while. I am having to take a good hard look in the mirror at the person I was two years ago. I am having to face some lies that were told to me that hurt me to my core. I am having to squarely look at what Christ has said I am, not what the world has said I am. It's going to be a long journey my friends, but I am so excited about what the end results will bring!

Dallas

2008-03-20T09:13:00.009-05:00

Something extraordinary just happened and I didn't see it coming. I have been fighting the urge to think this for about 3.5 months and then, just like that, the thought went through my head with a genuine belief. I like Dallas. I like living in Dallas. Whoa, I didn't see that one coming.

I moved back to Dallas from Washington DC around Thanksgiving for two main reasons: (1) I didn't like living so far away from my family and felt that I was missing out on my siblings growing up and (2) Nathan was looking for a job in Dallas. Those two reasons alone compelled me to leave my job in DC and move back. Moving to DC was a fulfillment of a dream that I had for 4 years. All I wanted was to move to DC, work for the military or intelligence services and have my life be ruled by a Blackberry, tight deadlines, late work nights, midnight calls to come back to work and a relentless life pace that can only be upheld by someone in their twenties. It was all I wanted, it was my dream.

I actually went back to DC this weekend to visit friends and tour the White House. It was pretty incredible to be that close to the building that has housed so many Presidents and their families, where the decision to start wars has been made, where Prime Ministers and President's have met and where the men and women that have defined the history of the country have walked.

What I expected to feel this weekend was an intense longing to go back to DC. I expected to walk away regretting the decision that I had made to move back to Dallas and away from a dream I had wanted to live for so many years. But, those feelings never came. Instead, I came back to Dallas and realized how much I love this city. I am starting a new and fantastic (albeit scary) life here in this city, specifically, in 58 days. Sometimes I let all the scariness of this new stage of life terrify me. Sometimes I lay in bed at night so afraid that I am giving up my freedom to do whatever I want whenever I want, my dream to bike across Europe with only a backpack holding my belongings, my hope of one day working at a church and loving in high school girls, and my (almost) secret desire to have a job where I get to carry a gun (weird, I know).

But then I come back to the fact that I would rather live my life with this man than do anything else. I know that there will be hard days. I know that some days I will have to make a conscious decision to love, and it won't be easy. I know the storms will continue to come and that life will get harder. But I would rather do this thing called life with him, whatever city we are in, whatever job I hold, than be anywhere else.

This doesn't mean I have failed and bailed at the dream I held through all of college. I went and I lived it for 6 great months. And honestly, I probably would regret never moving out there and at least trying it. But I have a new dream now. It's not a dream for my life and my career, it's a dream for our life. And I wouldn't trade that for the world.

in the blink of an eye.....

2008-03-03T22:20:00.003-06:00

i got a message at 9:40 this morning asking for prayer for a girl from high school who had been in a car wreck in tyler. i stopped what i was doing, begged the Lord to heal her body, to give the doctors wisdom in treating her, and to give her the strength to fight and then i went on with my day, confident that the Lord would do exactly as I asked. then at 4:24 i got another message simply stating that she was with the Lord. just like that. one moment i was fretting about what to eat for dinner and then the very next second, mourning the loss of a friend. in the blink of an eye, she was gone. just like that.

"he has made everything appropriate in its time. he has also set eternity in their heart, yet so that man will not find out the work which God has done from the beginning even to the end." eccl. 3:11

he has set eternity in their hearts.

thats something i don't understand. and it's something that i don't think i ever will. honestly, it scares me, so i don't think about it. i like control. i think to know what is coming next and, if possible, to make sure that i am prepared for it. but the life that comes after this is something that is not in my control and i cannot manipulate it at all.

i was talking to an older lady last week who was commenting on another older friend that had gone in to the hospital for the last time. she said something that has stuck with me ever since then. she said, the veil between here and there is so small, so quick, so little. and it is. we are here this second and gone the next.

it makes me put things in perspective. the things i was worrying about this morning don't even matter right now. nothing really matters to me right now, except for spending time with the people i love and making sure i live a life that is worthy of the calling of my Lord and Saviour.

so tonight we didn't do any wedding plans. we didn't work out. we didn't worry about what apartment we will live in or whether i will drop my middle name (elizabeth) and make it zandstra or just drop the zandstra all together (a point on contention in the last few days). no, tonight we picked up hamburgers and french fries and rented the latest harry potter movie, since nathan finally finished the 5th book. we sat on the couch and simply enjoyed just being near each other and drank decaf coffee. tonight, we simply loved the life that Christ has given us.

so please, love this life, because today, tomorrow and yesterday were a gift. and i sure don't want to get to the end of this life and look back over a series of appointments and meetings. i want to have laughed long and hard and made sure that God knew that he gave this precious gift of life to someone who appreciated it and lived it to the fullest extent possible.

the little things

2008-02-27T22:17:00.000-06:00

so there is a plant sitting on the table next to the chair i sit in every morning, when i watch the news and drink my coffee, the chair i sit in every night when i watch the nightly news and check my email and the chair i sit in any time i am talking on the phone. yet tonight, for the first time, i noticed this plant. it might be that my "nurturing" moment occurred, when i actually decided to straighten up my apartment and learn to have a cleaner living space since i am getting married in 3 months. or maybe it's because i was leaning over to smell the daisies that nathan bought me. regardless, i noticed this plant for the first time in 2 months just a few moments ago.....and it is almost completely dead. like, wilting over, yellow and crispy. oops. in the midst of all the life that is going on around me, i missed the one little thing in my apartment that needed daily attention and devotion, which would really amount to about 25 seconds a day of making sure i watered it. yet in the busyness of life, i was completely ignorant of its existence.

i am on a bebo norman kick right now, which i know is totally 5 years old. but he has this great song called "time takes it toll." the first verse goes like this:

Have I become a soul so numb
All too familiar
Words of gold have all grown cold
Over and over

I need to see you in the sunrise

Time takes its toll on us, and it tries its best just to steal our love

it's days like this when i realize that i have become that "soul so numb" that he talks about. the world that i live in has become so mundane, so predictable, so....blah. i am so caught up in work, making sure i find the perfect label for the invitations, ensuring that everyone i have ever met is on the guest list, making sure that i have every second of the wedding day mapped out, making sure that i am paying enough attention to my friends and to nathan, making sure that i am making a good impression at work, making sure that i am working out and eating healthy....making sure of everything that could possibly happen will be accounted for and planned for. and in all of this, i find no joy. no hope when i wake up in the mornings. i let this thing called "time" take control of me. i let it control me, i let it rule my life, i let it dictate the things that i do. i need to see the Lord in the sunrise.

so i will do the only thing that i know to make sense right now, i will lift my eyes to my Maker. i will look to the Creator of all things. i will lift my eyes to the Maker of the mountains i can't climb. i will lift my eyes to the calmer of the oceans raging wild. i will lift my eyes to the healer of the hurt i hold inside. (bebo norman) it's the only thing that makes sense and at the end of the day, i know its the only thing to do that will fill ultimately fill and satisfy me.

and yes, i think i will go water this plant now, and tomorrow, and the day after that and the day after that, etc. it's the little things that count in life, and it's those things that i want to remember and be remembered for at the end of the day. who cares if the ivory labels on the wedding invitation don't exactly match the ecru envelopes? does it really matter if the alter boys light the candles 5 or 10 minutes before the wedding? and you know what, who cares if everything i eat in the day is healthy? i think there is a box of girl scout thin mints calling to me from the freezer right now. so if you need me, i will be curled up in bed reading a book thats not about stocks, finances, hedge funds or wedding planning and will instead be reading a book for complete fun and eating girl scout cookies.