I Might Be Crazy

I might be crazy. Seriously.

I have decided to get my Master's degree in one year. Actually, two semesters - Fall and Spring.

The reason I applied to the University of Dallas was the fact that they advertised that their Masters in Politics program could be completed in a year. Once I got there and met with my Advisor, I learned that only 4 students have ever completed the program in a year. Yikes. Every Professor I have met with (and by the way they aren't called professors at UD.....they all have their PhD and we refer to them as Dr. such and such, never professor. I actually was slightly chastised for calling one of my Dr.'s, professor, but anyways....) has said that I would be crazy to try and complete this program in a year. They say it can't be done.

I say, bring it on.

So I am taking 15 hours this semester and 15 hours in the Spring. I am actually really excited about my classes. Three of them are the traditional set up: midterm, final and one research paper. One of them simply has one 12 page paper and two 4 page papers (easy!!). The other one has a take home midterm, a final and one paper. Also important to note that only 2 of my classes are strictly graduate only courses. The other 3 are open to Senior Politics majors, which means technically they are undergrad - the only difference for me is that my paper has to be 5 pages longer. Again, easy.

My classes are amazing, so amazing. I will admit that by sharing with you all (and by that I mean my maybe 4 faithful readers) that I will come off as a nerd, but I am really excited about all my classes. So here goes.

Monday
6:00 - 8:50 pm Rousseau

T/R
9:30 - 10:50 Plato's Republic
11:00 - 12:20 Federalists/AntiFederalists
12:30 - 1:50 International Law

Wednesday
7:00 - 9:50 pm Modern Thought

Midterms will be manageable since I only have 3. Finals will be a bit harder as I will have 4. Since I have 5 research papers due between November 24 - December 11, I have decided to start writing them in early October. If I at least start my research and get my topics approved I can work on the papers as I have time for the next 1.5 months instead of waiting til the last minute.

I'm really excited. Possibly more excited that come May 2010 I will have my Masters in Politics, which opens up a whole new range of career possibilities. Maybe in Dallas, but honestly and hopefully in Washington D.C. Sometimes I miss D.C. so much that my heart aches. But now as I sit in these classes I can feel my dream of moving back to D.C. inching back closer and closer.

It's going to be a long two semesters with lots of studying but I am so excited. Bring it.

Win

"For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jer 29:11

I know this verse. I have known it since 3rd grade. But it has always just been one of those happy, comforting, tell someone else to make them feel better when things aren't going their way verses.

I've never claimed it for me. Until now.

As many of you know, I was laid off in November. It was a dark time in my life. Then I got a new job....it lasted 6 weeks and I was laid off again. Ouch.

These summer months have passed slowly for me. I've spent many of them discouraged beyond words. I would look for a new job for 4 hours every weekday. On average, I applied to 25 jobs a week. I got one response.

My darkest and most discouraging hour was last Monday night. I was truly convinced that I would never work again. That I would never reach any of my aspirations in life. That I would be stuck in Dallas forever.

And that's when God stepped in and rocked my world.

I got accepted in graduate school to get my Masters in Politics at the University of Dallas. With a 50% scholarship. And was given a significant grant (aka don't have to pay back!) from the state of Texas.

Wow.

I start class today. I am taking 12 fantastic hours of classes that sound marvelous: Abraham Lincoln, Plato's Republic, International Politics, and Federalists/Anti Federalists.

I don't know what will happen come August when I graduate. I don't know if I will ever get to move back to Washington, D.C. I don't know if I will ever get to leave Dallas.

But I do know one thing.

At my lowest and darkest moment, God is still sovereign. He has a plan more masterful and magnificent than I can ever imagine.

So bring it on, grad school. I'm ready for this next phase of my life.

One of those days

Do you ever have one of these days?


more Fail Dogs

Do you ever feel so close to finally winning, to finally getting it right, to finally catching that frisbee and then just like that you realize you didn't get it and everyone is watching?

Some days I feel so close to getting a job I am already planning what pictures to put on my desk. Then its given to someone else. Some days I feel like I am a great wife. And then I say something that hurts his feelings. Some days I feel like a great big sister. And then I do something stupid. Some days I feel like a great friend. And then I let a friend down.

And some days I feel like nothing I do turns out right. Even when I try harder, I still mess things up and nothing goes right.

Good thing my life is not up to me. Good thing at the end of the day, it's not really about me. Good thing I serve a God who in the midst of my depravity loves my just as I am, regardless of how useless and worthless I feel.

"But in all these things we OVERWHELMINGLY CONQUER through Him who loved us." Romans 8:37



P.S. If you are ever looking for a good laugh or wanting to feel a bit better about yourself, check out failblog.org (It has some sketch material, but you can click on the G rated version) or faildogs.com. Both are a surefire way to get a good laugh.

true story

Communication is a key part of marriage, everyone knows that. There have only been a few times in the last year that we have had a total communication breakdown. Tonight was one of those nights. It was such a fantastic breakdown that I just had to share.

Let me set the scene.

We are driving down 75 heading back to our apartment after a long day of moving and we are totally exhausted.

Laura: Huh, that person [in the car next to us] has dreads. Sigh.
Nathan: Really? You could tell?
Laura: Well, yeah.
Nathan: How?
Laura: I just looked and saw.
Nathan: Was she cursing at herself or yelling?
Laura: Uh, no. Why? Do people with dreads do that? Man, I need dreds; I totally fit that profile.
Nathan: Wait, did you say dreads or tourette's?
Laura: DREADS!

Anyways, hope you enjoy our little communication breakdown. Marriage is totally worth it, even in the non communicating moments.

The War on Terror

We have been safe these last few years since September 11 BECAUSE of the laws and decisions that were made on behalf of the Bush Administration. I am not saying that I agree with all the decisions made, but we are safe due to the fact that the Bush administration has been diligent in the War on Terror. Also just a small note, terrorists are not protected under the Geneva Convention. By definition Al Qaeda does not qualify for protection under the Geneva Convention because they are terrorists (see Article 3). And yes, there have been some instances of abuse in the prisoners that the United States has taken and that is completely intolerable. See the article below if you would like more details.

The fact of the matter is, we have not been attacked again on American soil because the U.S. Military, the NSA, the CIA, the FBI and countless others have been aggressive in the eradication and punishment of those who practice terrorism.

This is a new war where we will have to redefine HOW to fight. We are not battling against a country, our enemies are small people groups within countries. This calls for a new strategy. Just like the US had to create a whole new strategy to fight the Cold War (where most of the war was fought by spies and not a "traditional" shot was fired) so we will have to create a new strategy for the War on Terror. Our enemies are not heads of states, they are the people that live within the borders of other countries. We have not found this new strategy yet, but completely wiping away everything that the Bush administration has done for the last 8 years will not get us closer to winning this war.

The enemies that seek to kill us are ruthless. They tell their children that it is good for American's to die, that they should all hope to have the privilege of slitting Americans throats in the streets, or of watching American children die. Our enemies are radicals who have even been shunned by people in the same religion that they claim to follow.

Please see the following from an article in the National Review:

"Democrats are intent on cultivating a mythology of torture to discredit George W. Bush's administration, and the latest epistle of their faith in Sen. Carl Levin's misleading and relentlessly partisan report, 'Inquiry into the Treatment of Detainees in the U.S. Custody.' Contrary to the report, the Bush administration did not 'redefine' detainee-treatment law; it undertook to determines precisely what the law says and who it covers. Neither did the Bush administration negate the Geneva Conventions' Common Article 3, which requires that the prisoners it covers be 'treated humanely.' By definition, al-Qaeda is not qualified for Geneva protections because it is a terrorist organization. Nonetheless, the Bush administration made humane treatment of Qaeda prisoners a matter of policy. Three Qaeda captives have been waterboarded during interrogations, a practice that Congress has declined to criminalize. The abuse of prisoners is not to be tolerated - and under the Bush administration it has not been: dozens of U.S. military personnel have been disciplined and a number tried in courts-martial. There is a world of difference between freelance wrongdoing at the hands of a minuscule proportion of soldiers at Abu Ghraib and a government policy of torture. The Democrats' attempt to conflate the two is a shameful elevation of politics over the sometimes unpleasant necessities of national defense."

Merry Christmas to All

Christmas is by far my favorite holiday. Seriously, I start getting giddy early November. I start plotting Christmas gifts for family and friends months in advance so that I can give them the perfect gift. I love driving around and looking at Christmas lights while sipping on a peppermint mocha from Starbucks. I love going to the mall and looking at all the new decorations. I love the Salvation Army bell ringers at the entrance to ever store. I love decorating our apartment for Christmas.

But in all this, it's not the commercialism of Christmas that gets me excited. I know in this secular world it's all about waking up on Christmas morning to the loads of presents under the tree. That's not what I am celebrating.

I am celebrating the anticipation of the Christmas season. It seems as if the Christmas season is tingling with the anticipation that something big is about to be revealed. Even for those who celebrate only the gifts of Christmas, they are anticipating the morning where all will be revealed.

Something big is about to happen.

Something big did happen that has left the world in anticipation for thousands of years. A Savior was born in a lowly manger. A King was born to a virgin mother and a poor father.

And that King was born to die.

Christmas happened so that we could have Easter. As my father so aptly put it, "The wood of the manger rubs up against the wood of the cross."

I celebrate Christmas for so many more reasons than the presents. I celebrate Christmas because it means that a Savior was born.

That is something worth anticipating. And that is something worth celebrating.

Merry Christmas, my friends.

On Being Laid Off

As you can likely tell from the preceeding title, I have had an eventful few weeks. Almost four weeks ago to the day, I joined the slowly growing group of people who have been laid off. My emotions have ranged from sheer excitement of getting to grocery shop during the daylight hours to an almost unbearable sinking feeling of puposelessness. Granted, I was not in my dream job. I really was not even working in an industry I enjoyed. But I was working, and that is key. Regardless of whether or not I liked my previous job, I was finding my validation in the "real world" by spouting off my fancy title at a fancy firm. By all the worlds standards, I was climbing the ladder of success and following the path that all young professionals have taken. But all that changed in a span of 20 minutes. One minute I was sorting mail outs and I kid you not, 30 minutes later I was standing at an elevator with all my personal belongings from my desk. I cannot tell you what it feels like to wake up every day at 7:00 a.m., cook breakfast, pack Nathan's lunch and get him out the door, have a quiet time, work out, shower, clean the apartment and run some errands....and be completely done with everything on my to do list by 11:00 a.m. I cannot express to you the feelings of worthlessness, the lack of purpose and the sheer boredom I have felt in the last month.

But there is one thing I can tell you. God is good. There is simply no other truth that I have clung to these past few weeks. I can rest in the fact that I serve a soveriegn God who holds my life and my breath in His hands. Before the foundations of the earth were laid, He chose me, He called me, and He rescued me.

I caved a few weeks ago and rebought a CD that I lost in the move from College Station to Virginia to Tyler to Dallas. I really only bought it for one song. This song has become the theme of my days over the last few weeks. Every second of every day is a challenge to believe the truths that Christ has proclaimed to me - that I am a called child of His, I am loved, I am cherished, I am redeemed and I am valued. When every other second I want to believe the lies of the world - that I am a failure, that I am worthless and that I bring no value to the world. But the words of this song strike straight to my soul. They bring my to my knees almost every time I hear them. I nearly weep every time I hear these truths.


"Psalm 73" sung by Indelible Grace

Surely God is good
To all the pure in heart
But as for me, my feet had almost slipped
I nearly lost my grip
For I envied, the arrogant
They are free, from my burdens

Surely I, in vain,
Have kept my, my heart pure
And surely they are strong and free from trials
While I am so confused
Then I entered Your holy place
Then I saw their destiny

Surely, they’re cast down
As those on slippery ground
As dreams fade when we wake, so they become
Completely swept away
In my heart I was arrogant
Like a beast before You

Yet always You are near
You guide me by Your Word
And always, my Lord God, You are my strength
My portion You will be
You’re my refuge, my Sovereign Lord
I will sing of Your awesome deeds

You’re my refuge, my Sovereign Lord
I will sing of Your awesome deeds

I have become arrogant. I began to believe in the allure of power and money. And it was all gone in the 2 seconds it took me to sign some paperwork. And then I became bitter. Bitter at those who got to keep their jobs. Bitter at those who were suceeding in these hard economic times. I had worked hard to get where I was. I spent countless hours working on projects to impress by bosses. I spent hours trying to get their approval and their validation.

And then I entered the holy place of the Lord and I saw that it did not matter. Not then, not now, not ever.

You are my refuge, my sovereign Lord and I will sing of your awesome deeds.