so there is a plant sitting on the table next to the chair i sit in every morning, when i watch the news and drink my coffee, the chair i sit in every night when i watch the nightly news and check my email and the chair i sit in any time i am talking on the phone. yet tonight, for the first time, i noticed this plant. it might be that my "nurturing" moment occurred, when i actually decided to straighten up my apartment and learn to have a cleaner living space since i am getting married in 3 months. or maybe it's because i was leaning over to smell the daisies that nathan bought me. regardless, i noticed this plant for the first time in 2 months just a few moments ago.....and it is almost completely dead. like, wilting over, yellow and crispy. oops. in the midst of all the life that is going on around me, i missed the one little thing in my apartment that needed daily attention and devotion, which would really amount to about 25 seconds a day of making sure i watered it. yet in the busyness of life, i was completely ignorant of its existence.
i am on a bebo norman kick right now, which i know is totally 5 years old. but he has this great song called "time takes it toll." the first verse goes like this:
Have I become a soul so numb
All too familiar
Words of gold have all grown cold
Over and over
I need to see you in the sunrise
Time takes its toll on us, and it tries its best just to steal our love
it's days like this when i realize that i have become that "soul so numb" that he talks about. the world that i live in has become so mundane, so predictable, so....blah. i am so caught up in work, making sure i find the perfect label for the invitations, ensuring that everyone i have ever met is on the guest list, making sure that i have every second of the wedding day mapped out, making sure that i am paying enough attention to my friends and to nathan, making sure that i am making a good impression at work, making sure that i am working out and eating healthy....making sure of everything that could possibly happen will be accounted for and planned for. and in all of this, i find no joy. no hope when i wake up in the mornings. i let this thing called "time" take control of me. i let it control me, i let it rule my life, i let it dictate the things that i do. i need to see the Lord in the sunrise.
so i will do the only thing that i know to make sense right now, i will lift my eyes to my Maker. i will look to the Creator of all things. i will lift my eyes to the Maker of the mountains i can't climb. i will lift my eyes to the calmer of the oceans raging wild. i will lift my eyes to the healer of the hurt i hold inside. (bebo norman) it's the only thing that makes sense and at the end of the day, i know its the only thing to do that will fill ultimately fill and satisfy me.
and yes, i think i will go water this plant now, and tomorrow, and the day after that and the day after that, etc. it's the little things that count in life, and it's those things that i want to remember and be remembered for at the end of the day. who cares if the ivory labels on the wedding invitation don't exactly match the ecru envelopes? does it really matter if the alter boys light the candles 5 or 10 minutes before the wedding? and you know what, who cares if everything i eat in the day is healthy? i think there is a box of girl scout thin mints calling to me from the freezer right now. so if you need me, i will be curled up in bed reading a book thats not about stocks, finances, hedge funds or wedding planning and will instead be reading a book for complete fun and eating girl scout cookies.
