Simply Blessed

As I sit here on the couch, my heart is overflowing with the realization of how blessed I am. I am first and foremost blessed to be called a child of God - to know that I was called out and claimed before the foundations of the earth were laid is more than I can comprehend. I am ridiculously blessed to call Nathan my husband. I am sitting here watching him play the guitar and I cannot imagine a better way to spend a Sunday night. I am blessed to have an hour with my mom today to share a cup of coffee in the middle of summer chaos. I am blessed to have a family that loves me regardless of what I do, where I live or how grumpy I am. I have six amazing siblings who have shaped and formed my view of the world for the last 23 years, whether or not they know it. I am blessed to have friends who I can be real and honest with - friends who have seen me at my highest and seen me at my lowest and yet still choose to love me. I am blessed to be a part of a church community that even though we have only been going a few weeks they already recognize us and know our names. I am blessed to have a job where I am challenged on a daily basis and where I receive a pay check every two weeks when so many people are struggling to make ends meet right now.

It's good to take a step back and realize the ways that the Lord has blessed each and every one of us. The world is a scary place, especially right now. Sometimes I struggle to find the good in a long work day, I take my eyes off the goal and sulk around in the sludge of life. I read the news and think that nothing good can come of the war in Iraq, the nuclear talks with Iran, and the faltering (if not failing) economy in the United States. I look around me and I see a hurting and dying world that is crying out for more - even if they don't know it. I see young girls crying out for the attention of their fathers only to find blank faces staring at a small Black Berry screen. I see young boys trying to prove their self worth in the world, only to be met with the judgment that they are not good enough til they have made their first million.

I look at all these things and it is so easy to get caught in the muck of it all. So it's good to take a step back and realize the things that I am blessed to partake in, even if I can't see the blessing of it at times.

At the end of the day, I come back to the praise that the psalmist sings to the Lord, "Because Your lovingkindness is BETTER THAN LIFE, my lips will praise You." Psalm 63:3. Because Your love is better than life. Not because I have a good job, or good friends, or the right clothes, or the right pants size. No, because Your love is better than the last breath I took, because Your love is better than anything I can experience this side of Heaven, my lips will praise You.

Now that is being blessed, my friends.

Learning to Live

So it's been a while. There's been so much going on in my head that my verbal processing has been slower than normal. Anyways, on we go. (1) Married life is fantastic! We highly recommend it to all our friends. :) (2) We are now officially house sitting for the next 5 weeks. If you are in Dallas and want to play Guitar Hero, Rock Band, Wii, grill out on an awesome patio or swing around in a library on a ladder, then come our way! (3) Nathan is still loving his job. I, on the other hand, had a small change in my job description and am learning to cope with new responsibilities and expectations. More on that to come.

On to bigger and better things. These last 7 weeks of being married has taught me loads of things about my life. Getting married tends to teach you things you didn't know about yourself. Anyways, as Nathan and I have spent the last 7 weeks together learning to live life together, love each other and just learn to live with another person, I wanted to stop and soak up every minute of it so that I could fully live life. That's when the problems started. I started to realize that I didn't know how to fully live my life anymore. I began to realize that over the last 2 years I have tended to check out when things get tough and shut down instead of dealing with problems. I thought this was my way of solving my problems.

Some of you may remember that my senior year of college was a giant learning year for me. I was deeply hurt by some friends and it felt like my life was crashing down around me. All I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry. Which I did on numerous occasions. But I never healed. I never got better. Instead I checked into survival mode. I had classes to pass, rent to pay and career decisions to make. So I just kept on going at life. I finished up in May at A&M and moved directly to Washington DC to work for Senator John Cornyn. It was the job catch of a lifetime and I threw myself into my work. But it was hard. I had no friends in DC, my job was boring at times and I desperately missed my family, friends and Nathan. So my survival mode of life continued. I moved back to Texas in November and got engaged in December, so my life was absolutely insane. As I planned a wedding and started a new job, the survival mode continued. Then we got married and I finally had a chance to stop. For the first time in over a year, I have gotten to just stop. There is nothing looming on the horizon, no big decisions to make. And that's when it clicked. It was when I tried to start living and enjoying life to the fullest and I realized I had been in survival mode for so long that I didn't know how to live life like that. It was a long tearful conversation with Nathan as we were driving home that lead me/us to that conclusion.

So that is what I am working on right now - living life to the fullest. At the end of the day, I want to know that I have played my hardest, worked my hardest, talked my hardest, loved my hardest and lived my hardest. I want to know that I have done everything possible to love the people and situations that have crossed my path during the day. I want to collapse into bed at night absolutely certain that I took advantage of everything in the day. I tell you, it's a journey. It hasn't been easy and it won't start getting easier for a while. I am having to take a good hard look in the mirror at the person I was two years ago. I am having to face some lies that were told to me that hurt me to my core. I am having to squarely look at what Christ has said I am, not what the world has said I am. It's going to be a long journey my friends, but I am so excited about what the end results will bring!