A Long Year

Wednesday, November 4, of this week marked one year since I have been laid off. One year later I am still jobless. One year later we are still trying to figure out how to get by one salary. One year later we are in a smaller apartment, which is part of trying to get by one salary. One year later and it still hurts. One year later I am still reliving the scenes in my mind from that day.

I thought Wednesday would be harder than it was. I definitely thought about it most of the day, but no snide or sarcastic remarks actually made it from my thoughts to my tongue. But I can feel the bitterness starting to move in. It's like I can feel it crouching in the dark hidden woods around me, waiting to pounce when I am most vulnerable. I can't let it. It's been a tumultuous year to say the least, but I am a better person because of it. There is no way I would want to return to the person I was at this time last year. So in an effort to stay positive and not dwell on the pain of the last year, I have decided to come with one thing I day I am grateful for every day from now until the end of the month. I'll even make it retroactive so that I am forced to find more ways that I have been blessed. So here goes.

November 1, 2009: I am thankful for my wonderful, kind, supportive and handsome husband. There is no way I would have survived the last year without him. Granted, I would likely still be sitting on the couch unshowered and not eating. But in more ways that I can mention, he has dragged, pulled, bribed and loved me through the last 365 days, even when I wanted to give up.



November 2, 2009: I am thankful for my amazing family. They make me laugh so hard that I cry and are always guaranteed to bring a smile to my face. While I do miss when we were all kids and lived carefree lives, I am thankful to be figuring out the grown up world with them by my side. On the topic of them making me laugh, this picture is one of my favorites from the last year. We were trying to take a group picture with a timer but no tripod. As I hit the timer and started running to get in the picture, the camera shifted. So logically, everyone ducked down to still get in the picture. Cause, clearly we would not have all fit otherwise.



November 3, 2009: I am thankful for the opportunity to travel this past year. This last year we have been to Paris, London, and on a cruise to Jamaica and the Grand Caymans. Nathan has started traveling for work and since I didn't have a job, I was able to accompany him to Paris and London. It was fabulous - we now officially have the travel bug. The cruise was for our one year anniversary. Here we are swimming with Sting Rays in the Grand Caymans.





November 4, 2009: I am thankful for the opportunity to go to grad school. I didn't really want to go to grad school - it wasn't in "my" picture of life. I had a bit of a debacle with A&M near graduation so my grades did not end up being very good. But Nathan encouraged me to at least apply so I did. I was accepted to the University of Dallas in their Masters of Politics program. With a 50% scholarship. And with a grant that made up almost the rest of the tuition money. There was no way I could deny at that point that the Lord was clearly pointing me to grad school. And I love it! I am learning so many cool things.



November 5, 2009: I am thankful for a wonderful and comfy apartment to call home. We moved in the middle of the year to save some money but ended up with an even better apartment before. Other than the raccoon that calls our attic home, we love it. Its safe, cozy, close to friends and most importantly within walking distance to Target and our favorite Mexican food restaurant.

November 6, 2009: I am thankful for my new to us car. About 3 months ago I took Max the Maxima in to have her alignment fixed. I walked away with an unaligned car and a suggestion that my car needed $4,500 worth of work. Needless to say, my car was not even worth that much money. So we drove it to a place that buys cars the next day to see what it was worth. The offered us $1,700 which was less than what we thought the car was worth. We walked away from the offer knowing that we had 7 days to think about it. The next morning, my power steering and air conditioning went out. Thinking about the offer over: we took it. The next day Nathan found the most beautiful car I had ever seen. It has been my dream car for about four years and I never thought I would actually own it. My sweet husband traipsed all over Dallas and the internet trying to find one in our price range. We found the perfect car: a 2006 Hyundai Santa Fe with 62,000 miles. I love my Fe.

Thoughts on the Tower of London

Last week, I was privileged to be able to go to London with my husband. We had a fabulous time. I was privileged to have visited the city with my Mom in August 2006, but had a fantastic time re-exploring the city with Nathan. On Sunday we went to my favorite site in London - the Tower of London. I will never tire of learning about the history of this fascinating castle and the mysteries that surround it.

Contained in the Tower of London is the pride of the British people - the Crown Jewels. Amazing. I mean, these crowns, scepters and such have been in use in for thousands of years. We think our 100 year old buildings in America are amazing. Everything in England puts that thought to shame.

To see the Crown Jewels you have to snake through this giant exhibit that gives the history of the Royal Family, which is really interesting. Then, you enter into an area that shows various video's of these Crown Jewels in use throughout the years. I found these video's interesting, but I didn't care ti watch them - I wanted to see the real thing!

This is where I began to notice something interesting. The line began to clog here. People were stopping to stare and gape at these video's. They walked closer to the screens for a better look. They were talking in hushed amazement to their friends.

I didn't get it. I wanted to grab their shoulders and say, "Keep walking! Just through that door are the REAL THINGS! Not the video's the ACTUAL, REAL Crown Jewels. Why the heck are you standing here gaping at pictures of them, when the real things are just a few steps away??"

And that's when it hit me.

So many times in my Christian life I am content to sit and look at the pretty pictures of Christian faith. I am content to read stories about missionaries overseas, while sitting in the comfort of my home. I am content to listen to my friends talk about their service to the Lord, while watching TV in my spare time. I am content to buy the newest book about how to seek the Lord the best, instead of picking up my Bible.

I don't seek the Lord's face. I don't take the time to be intimately acquainted with him. I don't take the time to sit in His presence and meditate on His word.

I am content to sit and look at the pretty pictures of the Lord, instead of taking the extra effort to actually know and see Him.

So my challenge to myself since last Sunday has been to get past the comfort of the pretty pictures of the Christian faith and to actually seek to face of Christ. To actually bask in His presence as opposed to reading another book about Christianity.

And as soon as Nathan gets home and figures out what is wrong with iPhoto, I'll blog about the rest of our fabulous time in the U.K.

Cheers!

How to Save A Life

My sister-in-law Allison owes her life to the health care system in America. I’m not kidding. Allison was born with Truncus Arteriosus, an extremely rare congenital heart defect. Only one in a million children are born with this condition. Born October 16, 1986 to David and Karen, she appeared relatively healthy, other than a loud heart murmur. The doctors performed a simple sonogram and sent her home, assuming that it would heal on its own, which it usually does. Allison seemed to adapt to life at home with her two older siblings, but still Karen felt like something was wrong. As time went by, Karen noticed that Allison wasn’t gaining any weight and that she wasn’t crying as much as her other children had. More extensive tests were done in December, but they were inconclusive. In February 1987, Allison caught a slight cold and went to the pediatrician for some antibiotics. The doctor was concerned about her now louder heart murmur, so he suggested that Karen and David take Allison back to a cardiologist just to ensure that nothing additional was wrong with her heart. Two days later, Karen took Allison back to see the pediatric cardiologist. He took one look at her chest x-ray and saw that she was in congestive heart failure at just 4 months old. She was rushed to Children’s Medical Center in Dallas, Texas for further tests. After days of testing, the doctors and her parents knew that a radical and risky surgery was the only thing that could save her life. On Monday, Allison was released from the hospital to spend the night at home. The next day, Allison and her parents left for the University of California San Francisco Moffitt Hospital for a life saving surgery to correct the Truncus Arteriosus. It was a hard decision to travel to San Francisco for the surgery - while it had been performed in Dallas, it had only been successfully performed in San Francisco. They arrived there and spent several anxious days waiting for Allison to stabilize for surgery.

The day after they got to Moffitt Hospital, David and Karen met Dan and Debbie. Dan and Debbie had brought their son Derek USCF for the same surgery that Allison was to undergo, with just a slightly different story. Derek was born in Calgary, Canada. He was born with the same condition as Allison, Truncus Arteriosis, and was properly diagnosed, but because of the nationalized healthcare in Canada, there was an extensive time delay in getting the life saving medical care he needed. His doctor was not up to date on current research for infant heart conditions. By the time the doctors took the time to take a hard look at Derek’s case, he was ten months old and very sick. When the doctors realized the severity of his heart defect, he was rushed to UCSF Moffitt’s Hospital.

Derek had his surgery in late February at ten months old. Allison’s followed on February 22, at 4 ½ months old, a mere 9 pounds. She was in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit for four days and then in the hospital about another week, until she was able to go home, finally a healthy baby girl.

Derek also was in the PICU after his surgery, but he never left. 52 days later, on April 15, 1987, Derek died.

Allison lived. Derek died. Allison had access to excellent health care for the first four months of her life. Derek received a diagnosis but was told to wait. Allison and was able to have surgery within a week after it was determined she needed it. Derek had to wait ten months for the surgery.

I am not saying our current health care system is perfect. I know that people fall through the cracks every day. But it works. It works for those who choose to buy the healthcare that their companies offer. It works for those who, even when unemployed, buy health insurance options from the many health care providers across the nation. It works for small babies like Allison that need emergency medical care to save their lives. It works for parents who choose to take part in programs like SCHIP, which provides health care for children whose parents cannot currently afford it.

I acknowledge the fact that our system needs to change: it’s not perfect by any means.

But that is no reason to overhaul our system and create a something where you have to wait to receive healthcare that will save your babies life. Compromising our healthcare and jeopardizing the lives of our babies, parents and friends is not an option. It’s a human life. We have to find a way to protect them all.

I Might Be Crazy

I might be crazy. Seriously.

I have decided to get my Master's degree in one year. Actually, two semesters - Fall and Spring.

The reason I applied to the University of Dallas was the fact that they advertised that their Masters in Politics program could be completed in a year. Once I got there and met with my Advisor, I learned that only 4 students have ever completed the program in a year. Yikes. Every Professor I have met with (and by the way they aren't called professors at UD.....they all have their PhD and we refer to them as Dr. such and such, never professor. I actually was slightly chastised for calling one of my Dr.'s, professor, but anyways....) has said that I would be crazy to try and complete this program in a year. They say it can't be done.

I say, bring it on.

So I am taking 15 hours this semester and 15 hours in the Spring. I am actually really excited about my classes. Three of them are the traditional set up: midterm, final and one research paper. One of them simply has one 12 page paper and two 4 page papers (easy!!). The other one has a take home midterm, a final and one paper. Also important to note that only 2 of my classes are strictly graduate only courses. The other 3 are open to Senior Politics majors, which means technically they are undergrad - the only difference for me is that my paper has to be 5 pages longer. Again, easy.

My classes are amazing, so amazing. I will admit that by sharing with you all (and by that I mean my maybe 4 faithful readers) that I will come off as a nerd, but I am really excited about all my classes. So here goes.

Monday
6:00 - 8:50 pm Rousseau

T/R
9:30 - 10:50 Plato's Republic
11:00 - 12:20 Federalists/AntiFederalists
12:30 - 1:50 International Law

Wednesday
7:00 - 9:50 pm Modern Thought

Midterms will be manageable since I only have 3. Finals will be a bit harder as I will have 4. Since I have 5 research papers due between November 24 - December 11, I have decided to start writing them in early October. If I at least start my research and get my topics approved I can work on the papers as I have time for the next 1.5 months instead of waiting til the last minute.

I'm really excited. Possibly more excited that come May 2010 I will have my Masters in Politics, which opens up a whole new range of career possibilities. Maybe in Dallas, but honestly and hopefully in Washington D.C. Sometimes I miss D.C. so much that my heart aches. But now as I sit in these classes I can feel my dream of moving back to D.C. inching back closer and closer.

It's going to be a long two semesters with lots of studying but I am so excited. Bring it.

Win

"For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jer 29:11

I know this verse. I have known it since 3rd grade. But it has always just been one of those happy, comforting, tell someone else to make them feel better when things aren't going their way verses.

I've never claimed it for me. Until now.

As many of you know, I was laid off in November. It was a dark time in my life. Then I got a new job....it lasted 6 weeks and I was laid off again. Ouch.

These summer months have passed slowly for me. I've spent many of them discouraged beyond words. I would look for a new job for 4 hours every weekday. On average, I applied to 25 jobs a week. I got one response.

My darkest and most discouraging hour was last Monday night. I was truly convinced that I would never work again. That I would never reach any of my aspirations in life. That I would be stuck in Dallas forever.

And that's when God stepped in and rocked my world.

I got accepted in graduate school to get my Masters in Politics at the University of Dallas. With a 50% scholarship. And was given a significant grant (aka don't have to pay back!) from the state of Texas.

Wow.

I start class today. I am taking 12 fantastic hours of classes that sound marvelous: Abraham Lincoln, Plato's Republic, International Politics, and Federalists/Anti Federalists.

I don't know what will happen come August when I graduate. I don't know if I will ever get to move back to Washington, D.C. I don't know if I will ever get to leave Dallas.

But I do know one thing.

At my lowest and darkest moment, God is still sovereign. He has a plan more masterful and magnificent than I can ever imagine.

So bring it on, grad school. I'm ready for this next phase of my life.

One of those days

Do you ever have one of these days?


more Fail Dogs

Do you ever feel so close to finally winning, to finally getting it right, to finally catching that frisbee and then just like that you realize you didn't get it and everyone is watching?

Some days I feel so close to getting a job I am already planning what pictures to put on my desk. Then its given to someone else. Some days I feel like I am a great wife. And then I say something that hurts his feelings. Some days I feel like a great big sister. And then I do something stupid. Some days I feel like a great friend. And then I let a friend down.

And some days I feel like nothing I do turns out right. Even when I try harder, I still mess things up and nothing goes right.

Good thing my life is not up to me. Good thing at the end of the day, it's not really about me. Good thing I serve a God who in the midst of my depravity loves my just as I am, regardless of how useless and worthless I feel.

"But in all these things we OVERWHELMINGLY CONQUER through Him who loved us." Romans 8:37



P.S. If you are ever looking for a good laugh or wanting to feel a bit better about yourself, check out failblog.org (It has some sketch material, but you can click on the G rated version) or faildogs.com. Both are a surefire way to get a good laugh.

true story

Communication is a key part of marriage, everyone knows that. There have only been a few times in the last year that we have had a total communication breakdown. Tonight was one of those nights. It was such a fantastic breakdown that I just had to share.

Let me set the scene.

We are driving down 75 heading back to our apartment after a long day of moving and we are totally exhausted.

Laura: Huh, that person [in the car next to us] has dreads. Sigh.
Nathan: Really? You could tell?
Laura: Well, yeah.
Nathan: How?
Laura: I just looked and saw.
Nathan: Was she cursing at herself or yelling?
Laura: Uh, no. Why? Do people with dreads do that? Man, I need dreds; I totally fit that profile.
Nathan: Wait, did you say dreads or tourette's?
Laura: DREADS!

Anyways, hope you enjoy our little communication breakdown. Marriage is totally worth it, even in the non communicating moments.